People say when you finish a love relationship you get stronger and with a new lesson. It could be. But I still have some doubts about it.
Breaking up makes you stronger because you´re fighting against yourself. What your heart and soul wants in despair and what your mind says is right to be done to preserve your life and your self steem. You must proof to yourself how strong you can be, as you´re trying to survive and all you see around are your own pieces. You find yourself in depression, with darkness and pain and even so, you have to go on. That´s really hard and an eternal conflict.
The feelings are out of control, your life is upside down, you don´t wanna talk, listen or move…but you have to. Not fair, life demands all this when you´re not complete.
But nothing is so calm in our lives, our essence is heart, soul and mind. When they don´t follow at the same pace, all is a huge mess. The same power taking your pieces to different ways.
For some moments you forget the reason of all this. You´re too busy trying to survive and making your life goes on.
You are in a war and you start it in a big disadvantage: you´re broke…nothing is as before, you just can´t see things clear. You´re also not the same one.
When you fight to save your love and your relationship, you fight against other people, other situation, other truth and other scenary. You have all your features with you struggling for just one goal: be with your love the way you think is fair. Right or wrong, I still believe we must try. We have ups and downs, we have hits and errors.
Suddenly, you notice you pulled the rope too much and it explodes on your face. You fell totally knocked out. It takes time to get up again. You´re there, watching your life, your hope and your love breaking in a million small pieces. You know you can´t fix it anymore and worst, you know you must just accept.
All you listen is “forget and move on”. Ah, if this is so simple, I swear I had pushed the “I don´t care” button immediatly. I´m still looking for this button.
Better think on power of time: nothing lasts forever, everything has a time to be born, to live and to die. Perhaps this is the lesson.
I prefer not to believe in this lesson, otherwise I must live knowing that I´ll loose everything and in this case, why try? But somewhere inside me, I know it´s true.
I know the wound will be just a scar after sometime. I know this terrible pain will decrease. I know the memories can vanish. I know I´ll forget his face and his touch. I know life will go on, now as an empty book prepared to be written. I know all this, I just don´t know how to kill hope.
